Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Unemployment Situation

Good morning all.  
I hope you are having lovely weekends thus far. 

I, like millions of our fellow Americans, am looking for work. 
I have usually had no trouble whatsoever getting a new job - but this time, it's different.
I think the economy is one thing, sure, but there's also some other things as well.  

I keep putting my faith in small businesses.  I like them so much more than large, cold corporations.  There's more trust in the employee / employer relationship and I feel like and it seems like it's a little less cutthroat than some of the larger companies.  I also like the ability to wear lots of hats and really take hold of a project and all the responsibility associated with that. 

I guess I'm just really an eternal optimist when it comes to things turning out all right for the best (even though I've been looking for two months now).    

I had the thought today that maybe God has placed me in my current situation so I can really get a leg up with my book - you know, really get it going.  I did feel a pull yesterday.  It was the strangest thing to feel as though this is one of those turning points in my life.  Kind of like when I met my husband.  You sort of know that the course of your life will change after this key event.    
It will be very interesting to see what the next year or two brings.  This is a very crucial time for me to focus on what I want. 
I don't have any kids at the mo' (making this a good time for a transition), but I do need to make sure that I achieve that ever-elusive "balance" in my life.  

I find that I write best at night, before I go to sleep. 
I think being tired allows me to let go and just let the creativity spill out onto the page.
I have had some dreams about the characters in the book, and me there with them - and it's like an "a-ha" moment for me.  Like, "oh, that's how it should work!" Crazy.  Sometimes, the story just writes itself.  My fingers on the keyboard are merely a conduit through which the story can express itself.   

Oh, yes- so I was saying that I write at night because that's when my brain switches on, but then I'm missing our normal "talk time" before bed, thus creating a lack of balance for me.  Oh, and the house is more messy than normal now as well.   
Honestly, I don't think losing the nightly banter bothers Matt at all.  I think he's fine with having something to keep me quiet while he falls asleep.  I should preface this comment with the fact that it takes Matt anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours to fall asleep every night (depending on how tired he is and how much his brain continues to ramble after the lights go out); and it takes me 5 minutes - sometimes less.  

I guess I really need to make sure I have balance because I just don't want to become even more of a hermit than I already have been lately.  
I was already working out of the house before and now, it's like I really have no reason to leave except to see family and friends occasionally and maybe work out or buy some food when we need it.  
And sometimes I can get Matt to buy the food and walk the dog.  It's embarrassing. 
So, I know that balance is healthy and I love it when it's really clicking for me - but with writing and sort of disappearing into this fictional world I've created, I don't feel like I need anything else.  

So, I guess I do want to find a new job - and something with stability - but I'm also really excited about finishing the book.  I've always loved telling stories and entertaining others - it's something I've always wanted to do.  
Maybe it will all be worth it if the book is published and (God willing), successful - then the financial struggles and sacrifices of nightly chats will all be worth it. 
But I am resigned to the very likely possibility that the book won't be picked up and then it'll be something I've done for myself as a personal accomplishment.
I am glad that I'm doing this terrifying thing.  I think I would always regret it if I never tried.  


Monday, January 26, 2009

The Year of the Ox

I love the convenient stories that pop up when I'm on Yahoo. 

Today, I saw one about what's in store for us in 2009 in the Year of the Ox (Chinese horoscope).  
I don't put much store in these things at all. 

In fact, I don't believe one bit that my destiny has been decided by the stars in the year I was born (making me a dog, by the way).  But it's funny that when I read what I can expect this year, I suddenly start trying to make it all fit.  

I'm writing a novel and my outlook for 2009 says that, well basically, I'm going to work my butt off and not really get the notoriety I'm looking for this year, but that it will all pay off next year if I listen to the advice of others, yadiyadiyada.  And suddenly, this is sounding interesting to me.    
I guess I can look at it from this perspective:  do I believe horoscopes affect my life?  No!  But can I take the pieces of wisdom from them?  Of course.  I should go through and read everyone else's as well.  I'm sure there's lots of good things to keep in mind in there.  

What do you think?
Do you believe in horoscopes?  
Is it merely the power of suggestion that throws people into a self-fulfilling prophecy?  
Or is it something more?  

Let me know your thoughts.  I'm interested.



Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Deals We Make

Yesterday my husband and I spent the day relaxing (watching movies, drinking tea, walking the dog, etc.).  At the end of the night, Matt really wanted some cookies, which we don't normally keep around for good reason. 

Turns out he was more desperate for my chocolate chip cookies than I thought because he started trying to make a deal with me.  "If you make the cookies, I'll...wash all the dishes."  And, I'm ashamed to say there were a lot of dishes left over from yesterday.  

I'm not sure how I was able to negotiate such a sweet deal, but by the end of the night, I was getting the entire kitchen cleaned and foot rubs for the next two nights!  Not a bad trade for less than an hour in the kitchen.    

I almost feel like I took advantage of my husband.  I did bring him some fresh cookies and some milk when they were ready.   

Matt has such rough hands from all the work he does with them that the foot rub was like getting exfoliated and rubbed at once.  I could not stop laughing because it was like having sandpaper and lotion caressing my feet.   

I think the "deal" was fun and sort of a catalyst for remembering something I learned early on in our marriage:  that being a subservient member of the relationship isn't really my cup of tea, but that if we serve each other and do things that make the other person happy, it makes our marriage really hum.  

Friday, January 23, 2009

Fell off the Wagon

P.S. to the last post: 

I can't believe it.  I was doing so well.  I had beautiful growing nails with perfect polish on them and today, while waiting for Matt's plane to land, I bit them all off.  

Totally totally disappointing.  

Oh, well.  No one is perfect.  I'll just have to try again.  
; ) 


I am so happy.
My husband is finally home!!!  
He has been gone for 3 weeks at the Brenkle family ranch in California and I am so glad to have him back. 

We even had one of those sappy airport reunions where you hug and get misty-eyed and you can't wipe the silly grin off of your face.  It was wonderful.    

When we got home, our 1 year old puppy was SO excited to see Matt.  Axle is Daddy's boy for sure and Mommy just doesn't play as rough (the way he likes it).  He was so confused when he saw Matt.   I think at first it didn't register with him that the man in the kitchen was his man.  Such a cute reunion.  Lots of squeaking and wiggling and tail wagging and face licking.  Very sweet.  

I am looking forward to hunkering down in the cold weather with some hot tea, some movies and my honey.  

Yep...I still have a stupid grin on my face.  So happy to have my man home.  


Thursday, January 22, 2009

My lil' nephew Tanner Gabriel is now 8 months old - but I need to catch up with missing chunks of my life

I am an idiot!

So, funny story before I go and talk about why I've not been on my blog in a WHILE.  

If you have a sensitive stomach about flesh wounds, please read no further.  Go ahead and skip down to the 4th paragraph.    

My husband has been out of town for the past three weeks and as those of you who are used to making a meal for two know, making a meal for one is somehow more difficult and less nutritious.  

Anyway, there I was trying to pry apart some frozen hamburger paddies with a dull butter knife (cutting toward my hand holding the meat upright), and I slipped!  I cut myself with a rounded edge knife!   I couldn't believe it.  I'm actually really lucky.  With the force I was using to pry apart the frozen meat, I would have gone through my hand completely if I had been using a sharp knife.  

I called my hubby (who is hundreds of miles away) and he walked me through cleaning my wound and keeping it closed (or else I would break my "no-stitches ever" record).  Now, after some painful cleansing with alcohol and some antibiotic cream, my hand is a little stiff, but I'll survive.  The only real tragedy is that participating in the punching portion of kickboxing classes just got a lot more challenging.   

So, the reason why I've not been blogging.  From a time standpoint, I have been spending all of my time on my novel.  AND I sort of forgot my username and password.  Did I mention that I am very organized?  Excuses, excuses!  I didn't really say this was a good explanation.  Well, here I am and hopefully with a new dedication to sharing my life with all of you wonderful people.  

I've been wanting to write a book ever since I was a little girl, only, I didn't really have the courage to put myself out there and be vulnerable.  In fact, my blog has not been public because I was scared that no one would care to visit me.  The only people who had access to it were those who already knew my blog existed and where to find it.  

I am tired of being scared and not taking risks. 
Who cares what other people think?  Who cares if I fail?    
I have sheltered myself against failure with mediocrity and I'm at a point where I can't move forward unless I show a little more gumption and "caution to the wind."    

This has all been a long time coming and I'm glad that it's finally happening for me. 

I encourage any one who is reading this to not let your life pass you by because you're scared.  You will get older with more responsibility and more commitments and then one day, you'll wake up and realize that you are mortal, and you'll have a list of things you've always wanted to do and have never done.

Make your time here extraordinary.  Take risks.  Be who you want to be.  It's a choice.