Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Unemployment Situation

Good morning all.  
I hope you are having lovely weekends thus far. 

I, like millions of our fellow Americans, am looking for work. 
I have usually had no trouble whatsoever getting a new job - but this time, it's different.
I think the economy is one thing, sure, but there's also some other things as well.  

I keep putting my faith in small businesses.  I like them so much more than large, cold corporations.  There's more trust in the employee / employer relationship and I feel like and it seems like it's a little less cutthroat than some of the larger companies.  I also like the ability to wear lots of hats and really take hold of a project and all the responsibility associated with that. 

I guess I'm just really an eternal optimist when it comes to things turning out all right for the best (even though I've been looking for two months now).    

I had the thought today that maybe God has placed me in my current situation so I can really get a leg up with my book - you know, really get it going.  I did feel a pull yesterday.  It was the strangest thing to feel as though this is one of those turning points in my life.  Kind of like when I met my husband.  You sort of know that the course of your life will change after this key event.    
It will be very interesting to see what the next year or two brings.  This is a very crucial time for me to focus on what I want. 
I don't have any kids at the mo' (making this a good time for a transition), but I do need to make sure that I achieve that ever-elusive "balance" in my life.  

I find that I write best at night, before I go to sleep. 
I think being tired allows me to let go and just let the creativity spill out onto the page.
I have had some dreams about the characters in the book, and me there with them - and it's like an "a-ha" moment for me.  Like, "oh, that's how it should work!" Crazy.  Sometimes, the story just writes itself.  My fingers on the keyboard are merely a conduit through which the story can express itself.   

Oh, yes- so I was saying that I write at night because that's when my brain switches on, but then I'm missing our normal "talk time" before bed, thus creating a lack of balance for me.  Oh, and the house is more messy than normal now as well.   
Honestly, I don't think losing the nightly banter bothers Matt at all.  I think he's fine with having something to keep me quiet while he falls asleep.  I should preface this comment with the fact that it takes Matt anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours to fall asleep every night (depending on how tired he is and how much his brain continues to ramble after the lights go out); and it takes me 5 minutes - sometimes less.  

I guess I really need to make sure I have balance because I just don't want to become even more of a hermit than I already have been lately.  
I was already working out of the house before and now, it's like I really have no reason to leave except to see family and friends occasionally and maybe work out or buy some food when we need it.  
And sometimes I can get Matt to buy the food and walk the dog.  It's embarrassing. 
So, I know that balance is healthy and I love it when it's really clicking for me - but with writing and sort of disappearing into this fictional world I've created, I don't feel like I need anything else.  

So, I guess I do want to find a new job - and something with stability - but I'm also really excited about finishing the book.  I've always loved telling stories and entertaining others - it's something I've always wanted to do.  
Maybe it will all be worth it if the book is published and (God willing), successful - then the financial struggles and sacrifices of nightly chats will all be worth it. 
 
But I am resigned to the very likely possibility that the book won't be picked up and then it'll be something I've done for myself as a personal accomplishment.
I am glad that I'm doing this terrifying thing.  I think I would always regret it if I never tried.  








 

2 comments:

Jewels said...

I think it is great that you are taking this time to write. You are in the perfect place to be able to do such a thing. I admire you so much for doing something you love so you will have no regrets. That is an amazing quality and one you will no doubt pass along to your kiddos one day. ;) Happy Writing!

CaRoLiNe said...

lauren
i love it. i love you.
prayers headed your way in this time of limbo. it is in these times where direction seems the least that God is sometimes working and giving direction the most!
He's kinda crazy that way.
I can't WAIT to read your novel, at whatever stage it's in!
you're wonderful!
with love
caroline <><