I haven't been to the morning class in a while, okay? Let's say at least a month or two- so I'm punching and jumping and ducking and kicking and sweating and about half an hour in, I'm starting to feel a little light headed. I do the half-hearted punching while trying to cool down a bit. (I feel the eyes of the instructor burning into the back of my head as she wills me to bring up the intensity.) There's even comments like "Harder!" "Faster!" "Fire it in there!" - things like that that I knew were meant for me.
I want so badly at this point to just keep going. I have to be a good example for the others in the class, but I'm really starting to feel the beginnings of a blackout coming on, so I grab my water bottle and just go out to get some "fresh" air. I think I had to sit down for 10 minutes before I could rejoin the group with my original fervor.
When I returned to the class, I caught the eyes of several people, some who threw me smug smiles that seemed to say "huh, you're one of the youngest ones in here" and "well, well - look who decided to rejoin us" and "I didn't have to quit".
I guess it's the competitiveness of the whole thing that keeps me coming back to this class. It's the judgement, really. I am drawn to it, like a moth to a flame whenever I am challenged in this way. It's one of the reasons I went into advertising, it's one of the reasons I stayed in it and it's one of the reasons I never allowed myself to drop a class in college on principle. It is pure self-loathing, I guess; but it works for me. Somehow other people not believing that I can achieve something just pushes me to do it, be better, be more.
Well, today, it got the best of me and I overdid it as usual and nearly paid the price. I always think that I can work out at the level that I used to when I was in better shape.
The worst thing about the whole ordeal was the realization that regardless of factors like 1) dehydration and 2) overheating, it took TEN MINUTES for my heart to calm down.
Now I have to rededicate myself to working out on a regular basis just to make sure that I have a heart that doesn't have to work too hard to do its job.
I guess with the current lack of job, I have no excuse not to come out of this situation with a healthier heart and (hopefully) a little less jiggle. And then, maybe I could wear those little booty shorts that say things across the butt. Ha! Just kidding. I'm not sure I'd wear those no matter what state my thighs are in.